I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
