Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
