he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
