dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
