I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
