thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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