You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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