you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
