I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
