wrigley field is MILF paradise
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
