3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
