did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
...so i touched it.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
