Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
