Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
