I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
