the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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