My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize