I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
