i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
