you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
