So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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