TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize