Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
