he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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