I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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