I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
