Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
