I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
