Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize