Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
