I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Randomize
