I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
