so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
