I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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