I can text with my tongue
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Couch. On fire.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
