I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize