Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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