Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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