I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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