I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
That's how pantless uber rides happen
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
