Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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