I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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