Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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