I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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