Is it because I queefed?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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