Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
