wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
