Redeem this text for a blowjob
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
