woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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