she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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