bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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