9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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