he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize