Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
