so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
