Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
