i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
