If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
