I think scott just propositioned me for sex
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
