Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize