You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
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