oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
