So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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