wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
