I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I need to align my fucking chakras
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Just puked most of my soul out..
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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