Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
