So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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