i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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