Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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