i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Come see our sink grown plant.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
