She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
