I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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