My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
