u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
ugly people sure do ruin things
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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