They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
