His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize