is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize