Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
